Believe in Magic

Working in a hospital changes a person. You watch life struggle to maintain it's healthy existence - and sometimes fail - on a regular basis. In my short time doing what I do, I have seen young, seemingly healthy people have their world turn topsy-turvy as they grapple with a sudden stage 4 cancer diagnosis. I have observed as a frantic woman watched her husband slip away, and then be revived again. I have seen HIV patients reach their breaking point and turn violent. I have comforted little women and men withering away in confusion, as they plead with me again to tell them who I am and why I am in their home for the dozenth time in an hour.

Most recently, I've seen the mist in a 90-year-old man's eyes as he looked me straight on, challenging and pleading with me to be a better, more attentive, more playful, more compassionate mother NOW because I have no idea how quickly this time will pass and I have no idea how hard I will try and fail to recreate this remarkable time for the rest of my life. "It's unlike anything else in the human experience. Parenthood." 

It's the thing parents hear most often. "Savor it." "Enjoy it." "It goes by too fast." But when I hear it nearly every day from people who have lived out nearly their whole lives and they tell me this is it. This is the best thing you'll ever know. Well, it does something to your perspective. I am, at times, painfully aware of the seconds ticking by. How many more years will my 5-year-old believe that a magical Santa Claus slips into our home with a bag ripe with toys just for her? How many more months will my 3-year-old gladly welcome snuggling in my bed, her hand gently curled around mine as her breath grows rhythmic with sleep?

 We don't know until it's too late. We never know when it will be the last time we hand-make our child's Halloween costume. We never know the last time we will host their birthday party, or play dress up with them, or paint their nails. We never know the last time we pull out the play-dough or use finger paints. 

So Wednesday morning after I got home from work, I woke the girls and I just DID it. I left my phone plugged into the charger and the TV off. A little Pandora played in the background and I kept my camera near by for a quick snapshot here and there. But mostly, I just played. 

It felt good. Scarlett was eager to make sand castles "just like at the real beach!" and Cecilia quickly turned my spaghetti into slithering snakes. I think sometimes we get so caught up in that damn to-do list that we forget to stop and have a little fun. Being a kid is SO. EFFING. FUN. The good news is that as a parent, you get to relive those times. You can build elaborate forts and get lost in a good coloring book. And that's totally normal. You try doing that shit without kids and you can get used to singledom and maybe a room with nicely padded walls. So live it up while the gettin' is good. 

(Check out Zinfindel photo-bombing the Halloween pictures. "This is MY holiday, thankyouverymuch.")

So go ahead and MAKE those rockin' home made costumes. TAKE those blackmail worthy photos. The cool thing about being a parent is that - to an extent - you get to handcraft the memories your kids will have. You get to be the Great Initiator of Traditions. It's a lofty title. Don't let it go to waste. While they might roll their eyes at the over-the-top childhood in their teenage years, I promise that as an adult they will never regret the magical, spectacular ways in which you went above and beyond for them. Reality and responsibility will hit them hard enough, soon enough. Let them be kids. 

I still have time to see if this theory proves true, but I like to believe that we can change the way our children view the world. We can shape their ideas about their influence on the world around them and give them the right tools to believe, even as an adult, in a bit of magic. I don't know about you, but I'm aiming to raise up some idealists. I recently saw a quote online (can't find an author) that states, "The ones who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones that do." I hope my kids are that kind of crazy.

Hoping that your Halloween was as magical as ours, and that Sandy didn't rain to hard on your parade! Stay safe, and don't forget to give in to your inner child. Hell, even if you don't have kids. Build a fort. I won't tell.